Batmobile's Crush
by Behold
Summary: Batmobile's got an AI. And the AI's got a crush. A little different(and a lot funnier) interpretation of the cop chase scene from Batman Begins. One shot. Giggles guaranteed. :D


**A/N: Do not own Batman.**

**This is an alternate version of the cop chase scene from Batman Begins. In this, Batmobile has an A.I.**

* * *

"Batman talking."

"_AI talking."_

_AI thinking._

* * *

_Hello guys. I'm Batmobile. That's quite a mouthful, I suppose. So you can call me BM. Short for Batmobile, you know. Come to think of it, It's also short for Batman. Hmmm...Interesting. Oh, speaking of Batman, I've gotta tell you that I have this tiny miny crush on Batman. I haven't told him about it yet, 'cause I think he'd freak out and uninstall me and install some crappy AI. [sigh!]_

_Here he comes, walking all coolly and awesomely and all, carrying a pretty girl, bridal style...wait what?_

"_Hey Batsy, who the hell is she? And why the hell are you carrying her like a service tray?"_

"Huh...I thought it was bridal style. Nevermind. She's Rachel"

"_Aaaand why do you think I'd know who __**Rachel**__ is?"_

"...doesn't matter. She's been poisoned. I need to take her to the Bat Lair so that I ca..."

"_Batcave."_

"What?"

"_It's Batcave, not Bat Lair."_

"Seriously? Is that really important right now? Just start up already."

"_Aye aye Captn'. Starting engines. Accelerating. Accelerating some more. Passing by one surprised middle aged man with pretty nice glasses..."_

"That's Gordon."

"_Whatever. Gaining speed and crushing almost one third of a cop car, meanwhile being perfectly careful not to kill or even injure the cops sitting in the front..."_

"What the hell did you do that for? There was plenty of space on the road."

'_cause I'm angry._

" '_cause you're Batman. You gotta do awesome meaningless stuff. Back to the journey-crossing over the bridge. Maneuvering between the vehicles..."_

"Stay calm. You've been poisoned."

"_WTF? When did __**that**__ happen?"_

"Not you, idiot. I was talking to Rachel."

_So I'm an idiot now, huh. You'll regret this._

"_Cop cars 12 o'clock. Taking a right."_

"Breathe slowly."

_Actually, don't breathe at all._

"_Smashing through a shop's front glass, 'cause roads are overrated. Oh, is that a chopper? Hey Batsy look, your first chopper chase."_

"I really wish you could fly."

"_You'll have to wait for at least two sequels to get a flying contraption."_

_On second thoughts, let's fly._

"_Entering the multistory parking lot. Heading towards the roof."_

**Rachel: **What are you doing?

_Playing NFS._

"Shortcut." (what the hell are you doing BM?)

"_We are on the roof. Searching for a nearby structure of adequate hight. Search complete."_

"Uh...BM?"

"_Deploying flaps."_

**Random cop: "**Turn off your engine. Step away from the car."

_In your dreams, sucker. AND I'M NOT A CAR._

"_Engaging weapon system."_

"Uh...BM?"

"_ahem ahem. KABOOM"_

"Uh...BM?"

"_Accelerating. Engaging thrusters. Enjoy your flight."_

"HOLY CRAP..."

"_Successful landing. Maneuvering through annoying AC outlets and pipes. Taking a sudden left turn, just for the hell of it."_

"OK, how are we getting of this roof now? And don't you even think about doing that again or else..."

"_Engaging thrusters."_

"What the..."

"_Successful landing on stupid sloppy tiled roof. We're moving in diagonal plane now. Oh look, a fly over. After three roofs I'd love to be on an actual road."_

"Oh thank goodness. But how are we..."

"_Engaging thrusters."_

"..."

"_Entering subway."_

"Now why did you break that railing? "

"And that pillar?"

"_To slow down the cops, Batsy. Seriously, haven't you ever played NFS Mostwanted?"_

" _Accelerating even more, 'cause I've got need, need for speed. Cop cars ahead. Turning around in a U, drawing some cool graffiti on the ground."_

"Hey they're gaining on us."

"_Deploying poop bombs."_

"Hey, you might have killed someone."

"_So?"_

"Batman never kills."

"_O c'mmon. You killed at least 50 ninjas in that hill top monastery of yours."_

"How do you know that..."

"_Taking a right. We are out of the subway now."_

"_Aaaand we're into the spotlight."_

"Spotlight? What spotlight?"

"_The chopper, genius."_

"We need to go into stealth mode."

"_Stealth mode activated. Please do not talk, or whisper, or sneeze, or burp, or fart. Do not even breathe, if possible."_

"I think we lost the chopper."

"_Exiting stealth mode. We are now in top gear."_

"_Sabotaging random structures, again, to slow down the cops. We are practically in the woods now."_

"Just hold on."

"_What? You gotta pee now? I'm not stopping here."_

"Again, I was talking to her."

_Bitch._

"RACHEL."

"_What? Is she dead?"_

_Please die. Please die. Please die. Please die. Please die._

"_Engaging thrusters. We have entered Batcave-not-Batlair."_

"_So? She dead?"_

"No. I can still save her."

_Well. Damn._

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**please review :D**


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